The Illustrious History of The September Question

Few people realize that the band called The September Question was not formed by its current members Kevin Baird and Jason Crane at some point in the 1990s, but actually has a long history as colorful as it is conjectural.

Here we have an old photo of the group's founders. On the left is Kevin's old uncle Fergus MacInnes of the bustling metropolis of Ayr, Scotland, and on the right is Olaf the Complainer, who would soon change his name to Crane in honor of both the bird and the often under-appreciated piece of construction equipment.

Old uncle Fergus was a well-known composer and musician, infamous enough that when his neighbors in Ayr heard anything atonal, experimental, or (as was more common) simply out of tune, they would all stand up and say Hey now, what's all that infernal racket?!, after which time they would march to Fergus' domicile and knock him around a bit.

You'll notice that Fergus is wearing the Baird tartan on his kilt. This is not because of any relation to that clan, but simply due to Fergus being a deeply confused man. This is further evidenced by Fergus' obviously drunken state in this photo, which is the reason for his leaning at such at odd angle. The photo was taken around 1936, after Fergus had drunk half a bottle of Glenfinnich and had thought he'd heard that Jesse Owens had impaled Adolf Hitler during a badly-mangled caber toss at the Olympics.

Not to be outdone, Olaf the Complainer is seen here mixing a tasty mush for his "companions" (wink, wink). Olaf decided to follow the traditions of the old Viking Þing("Thing"), wherein elected office was considered private property (a foreshadowing of the situation which would later arise in the United States). In order to maintain consituents, representatives called goði ("godhi") would have to make sure that these constituents were happy, otherwise they would defect to another goði.

As can be clearly seen by the box of beer, this photo was taken in Guadalajara, Mexico, also in the mid-1930s. Olaf, or "Captain Haggis" as he liked to be known while wearing the kilt, was instrumental in helping agents of the Soviet Government track down Leon Trotsky, and was actually the person who suggested an icepick as a murder weapon.

Notice also that while Fergus was Scottish, Olaf wore a skirt simply because he was a sissy la-la Nancy Boy.

After a long day of torturing the good folk of Western Scotland or suburban Norway, the boys would often take a seat in order to show off their deeply-tanned legs. Here we see them enjoying a brief respite before jumping back in to the next movement of a jointly-composed piece called What're you lukin' at?!.

Because there was only one chair in the house, the boys would usually take turns sitting. On this particular occasion, Fergus seems to have bet Olaf a farthing that he "couldn't stay standing all night, you filthy old bastard!". Unfortunately, we do not know for certain how the bet resolved itself. It's difficult to reconstruct after the fact, because both men were known for being exceptionally stupid and stubborn, making it nigh-impossible to determine which characteristics eventually won out in each participant.

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